Over the years, when I have moments that I feel like I have a profound spiritual vision of the struggle raising and trying to educate Levi, I think of Brown v. and the incredible motion at which this country vibrated in 1954 and 1964, I think my of my parents and how they lived by example of civil rights, I think of all the students and parents I have tried so earnestly to help, motivate, and inspire, and I see my life laid-out so clearly that it feels unreal.

I often feel melancholy about how much I have given and I watch movies like Powder. I listen to music like Seasons of Love and Affirmation. They affirm me and bolster my spirit.

I still muse over how splintered the highly, exceptionally, profoundly, and terminally gifted (HTG) community is. I wish they could envision and center on just one vision, no matter how small; I know they could accomplish it. I sometimes think the stress of raising a special needs child without a support system has an affect on them and they cannot see their own trees for the forest. Everyone I talk to and know well from this community seems to be suffering from a form of posttraumatic stress syndrome.

In anthropological terms this is the theory of others. It is the same affect as an outside culture. Over time we cannot talk to our old friends, our family members, and school personnel. I have heard a hundred times from HTG parents that they are accused of lying and exaggerating the developmental progress of their children; left to feel like another species or culture, like they do not belong, like the anthropological term others.

So, it feels good to come together in secret communities, organizations, on-line communities, gatherings, and colleges where everyone there has virtually the same story, from birth! Wow! And for a brief moment, a blink of the eye, a heart beat, you belong and you feel community. It is healing; it is spiritual for so many to be with others. This whole experience of others borders on science fiction.

Then there is real life. I spent 10 years and hundreds of thousands of dollars exhausting remedy and strategy. I rewrote the entire California and United States Federal Education Code as one such remedy and strategy. It got me to the next step and I guess it was cathartic because it certainly made no change.

I sit here incredibly melancholy hours away from The Supreme Court making a decision if the geniuses of our species will be accommodated, or if we will sit through another hundred or thousand years of The Dark Ages of Education and the Development of Our Species.

Maybe I am being a bit dramatic, and maybe I am not. How would someone write about this a hundred years from now if it turns out geniuses should have been accommodated under special education and Brown v.

I feel really deeply about Brown v. because if you take the words HTG and place them carefully where one would use race, it is as clear as the past, what our future should be. And should a child’s education dollars follow them through public school through the age of 16 (compulsory education)? I tsk the fact that children are mandated to be in school through the age of 16, but a parent must pay for their public school; what kind of civil right is that? What the hell happened to Brown v. anyway? It never worked in my life. Maybe my hair is too frizzy and curly, and my name is too ethnic and it pushes buttons, or maybe it is just pushing around the lone woman with no ability to work while she sat with her olive skinned child. Or maybe differences that are just extreme enough bring out fear in those who are of the majority population.

Children sense extreme differences and they become fearful. They cry and fight out of the fight and flight of developmental theory of our species. I see it no differently in the schools, colleges and courts, at least that has been my experience, and so are we here because of fear?

Again, I am sure this blog entry is melancholy, but I cannot help it since I sit on the edge of the bell curve awaiting a decision about my life, my life’s work, my life’s value, the value of my child, the value of my species and the importance of their geniuses, and the question of special needs, differences, and others. I sit in a very lonely chair awaiting someone else to decide the public value of my life. I hold my own personal value, but how would you feel?

Seasons of Love

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure-
A year in the life?

How about love?
How about love?
How about love? Measure in love

Seasons of love, Seasons of love

HOMELESS WOMAN
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes!
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Journeys to plan.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life -
Of a woman or a man?

COLLINS
In truths that she learned,
Or in times that he cried.
In bridges he burned,
Or the way that she died.

ALL
It’s time now to sing out,
Tho’ the story never ends
Let’s celebrate
Remember a year in the life of friends
Remember the love!
Remember the love!
Remember the love!
Remember the love!
Seasons of love!
Seasons of love!

HOMELESS WOMAN (while ALL sing)
Oh you got to got to
Remember the love!
You know that love is a gift from up above
Share love, give love, spread love
Measure, measure your life in love.

Affirmation Lyrics, by Savage Garden

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people’s hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it’s bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I’m loved when I’m completely by myself alone

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can’t appreciate real love ’til you’ve been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don’t know what you’ve got until you say good-bye

I believe you can’t control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can’t appreciate real love ’til you’ve been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don’t know what you’ve got until you say good-bye

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse tv evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can’t appreciate real love ’til you’ve been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don’t know what you’ve got until you say good-bye

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can’t appreciate real love ’til you’ve been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don’t know what you’ve got until you say good-bye

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